ignore how shitty the images are. making all of them transparent is out of my budget.
hello welcome to my coffee ranking. you should totally listen to me, specifically, a person who has drank nothing but instant decaf for 2 years straight, on her coffee opinions. dont worry about it. why am i doing this? out of pure love of the game. and because i like talking. smile. brands i have seen but have not tried yet: - monster energy java latte (i am so morbidly curious but i know this thing will kill me in like 3 sips) - slingshot - happy (supposedly have a lot of caffeine in them so idk) - bones coffee
CURRENT RANKING: 1 - columbe (the best out of all of the ones ive tried so far, but i wouldnt get it daily) 2 - illy (mild and inoffensive but its got a good taste) 3 - brew ha! (i like the chocolate :) 4 - barissimo (instant coffee in a can) 5 - rise brewing co. (this and starbucks are closely tied, but it gets higher bc i prefer the taste of rise brewing more) 6 - starbucks frappuccino (got points deducted due to the stomachache) 7 - slate (started off strong, got increasingly worse the more i drank it. might be good in moderation?) 8 - owyn (bad. not enjoyable to drink at all. only get if you're a protein freak and/or plan on adding shit to make it taste actually good)

rise brewing co oat milk mocha	its really chocolatey. like the chocolate taste in hot chocolate powders and such. you open the can and you can Smell the chocolate. the oatmilk i think is where the sweetness is coming from? its kinda creamy and you can kind of taste the Oats in the oat milk. surprisingly you cant really taste the coffee at all....? it just tastes like cold hot chocolate. its got a bit of a sweet aftertaste but its mild.
starbucks frappuccino mocha	iirc it was really sweet. rather milky. could taste the coffee but it was very much a Sweet Mocha Coffee. tastes really good and i wanted to drink it all in one sitting but it gets points taken off because it made me simulate what it probably feels like to have lactose intolerance (aka it gave me stomachaches every time i drank it)
slate mocha latte	chalky chocolate taste. Leans more towards dark chocolate, leaves an aftertaste (Kinda potent? More tangy than anything). The coffee is somewhere in the dark chocolate aftertaste? Not strong enough to pinpoint. Milk is juuuust strong enough to cancel out the coffee and make it slightly sweet. Doesn't go overboard with the milk and sweetness, thank god (accurate to can metrics). The more I drink it the less I actually like it, probably bc of the bitterish aftertaste. Unfortunate. Might be because of the coffee icecubes? Will have to taste the other can on its own. Tasting it on its own. No it's still basically the same w/o the icecubes. Had a strong first sip though that made me like blink. Verdict: I don't HATE hate it but it's going at the bottom of the list currently.
barissimo vanilla cream cold brew	really watery. Not all that strong but there is a coffee taste there. Definitely vanilla cream lol the name isn't lying. A small dehydrated aftertaste. Most comparable to like. Cheap instant (like the ones I drink in the morning) Honestly? a pretty good drink for 50(!!) cents at Aldi's. I could see myself buying these to drink daily in the morning. i also tried the unsweetened black coffee ver, and it quite literally is just Slightly Stronger Instant Coffee In A Can. again, good for morning routines if you're a person who likes that sort of thing.
columbe draft latte mocha	prominent but not strong chocolate taste. Dark chocolate? Coffee taste is in there somewhere, but it's hard to pinpoint. Tastes a little dilute. Milk tastes more like creamer. Definitely had a little froth at the start. No real lingering aftertaste but it leaves you a little dehydrated. Overall pretty good but isn't outstanding. Would get once or twice, but not everyday.
brew ha! energy latte	smells a little chocolatey. DEEP chocolate flavor, kind of on the cusp of milk chocolate and dark chocolate? like, smack dab between the two. the coffee taste is kind of low-key and mixes pretty well into the chocolate. definitely some milk taste in there but again, its also mixed pretty well into the chocolate and coffee flavors. near the last half of the drink you can taste the sugar in it a lot more clearly? (may be because its been sitting in the fridge for a bit) a bit of a chocolatey dehydrated aftertaste. you can still taste the drink on your tongue afterwards.
illy latte macchiato	very rich flavor. tastes like cold milk with coffee mixed in. the coffee flavor itself isnt that strong, it really does just taste like an addon for the milk flavor. no real aftertaste or pretaste. for some reason my best attempt at describing the smell is 'desaturated hot chocolate'. fine and inoffensive, actually pretty good, definitely high on the list.
owyn double shot vanilla latte	smells VERY vanilla. ohhh thats. hm. tastes mainly like oat milk. feels like it borders on being both sour and bitter but doesnt fully cross that line. when i drink this i do not think of 'coffee' at all. theres a taste after you swallow that i.. think is the coffee?? but it doesn't actually taste like coffee. more like an abstraction of the concept of coffee. leans more towards chocolate than coffee really. tastes like it should be thick, but it really isn't. has a not so good aftertaste that reminds me of like.... a toned down version of spoiled milk. is the closest i can get words to. not good. its not abhorrent but it falls into the pitfalls that 'rich in protein' products usually do. this really isn't enjoyable to drink. actually the more i drink this the less i enjoy it . i dont want to finish this but im literally out of the house when im reviewing it so i kind of have to. this sucks real bad. dont get this.